Ballade d'amour

It doesn't matter now how much you think of me
All that matters is the lifetime of pain you gave
Every irregularity of an event
Makes me think of your judgemental opinion
And every mundane chore
Of your disdain against me.
Every lust in a man's eyes
Makes me want to scratch them out in derision
And every appreciation of a good in me
Makes me hate my life all the more.
And you'd be lying down somewhere
At this unkempt hour...
Soliciting your kindness to
Another of your friends
Which you didn't think of doing
To a lover you paced in anger upon,
Like a rug at the foot
Of your canopied bed.

Every waking moment is spent
Vainly trying to hold myself
-Back from your memories
-Careening dangerously in hoping
that you'd come back.

Come back, yes, my precious
But the next time with some flowers
An honor, n some humility in yourself;
Come back, with a need for who I am
Not to flit away, but to anchor yourself
In me permanently.
And i'm waiting and chastising
My own true self...
To appeal to you selflessly
Next time when...if you come back.
Or maybe i might just
See you in heaven next
For which i'll wait for death,
With bated breath,
While i pray for your longevity
And good health and happiness.
And I hope you won't make me cry
When i'll kiss your feet to greet you
As the doors of heaven open to you
Like a Man you'll come home,
From battles, to find your lady
Waiting to hold you and rest
In your arms atlast...in peace.