Thank You.

As i reopen your blog
My heart trips over a beat
Like the way it did
When for the first time, you were angry
at me.

It's funny how much i've changed
Since you blazed out my life
I never knew i could hate
Love or you so much.

It's the truth that you know even
Furs or expensive dinners
Were never my interests ever
'Cept for maybe a cheap flower.

But you somehow find
Some or the other way to demean
Every good faith i've held
In my heart for you and your love.

Now i find it all too ironic that i had to
Fall in love with you who is disabled
Of the ability to understand and accept
Me with my embarrassing foibles
And maybe 'twas just
Some past-life debt i owed you
And that's the final reason
As Dr.Weiss helps me to cope.

Ask me for reasons to trust me
And u know your just making excuses
To slap me in the face like you've picked
From the filthiest part of your nature.

Now it just makes me smile in agony
When i recollect "actions speak louder than words"
Coz baby when i started taking your word for it
You caring a shit for me became so evident.

Sure you always had the cash
To help a friend and empty your pocket
But when i asked u to pay for my pass
You found it worse than charity.

Coming back to your latest post
It's typically self-centred of you
Asking for understanding when u have none
Would you ever have the realisation
Of impairing someone with your expectation,
Sweet hollow words and lack of action?

You write so well but if only you could
Be that person you were, when you were alone
We'd burn the midnight lamps together
Dream that our baby you would deliver.

When you spoke like a worldly man
Of the Bugattis you'd one day have
I'd see you only without your posessions
Loving me with carefree abandon.

Did i break your trust and faith
When i shared the wonderful man
I was ecstatic to have found in you,
With my parents and friends?

You will be loved my worst friend
We were meant to be...not together
And its so damn hard to keep telling you goodbye
When all i want is for you to come back.

Thank you for posting my dear.

Sometimes love just aint enough...

Close your eyes u say,
that i shall...
waiting for absolvation
from all your memories each day
i still wake up in vain
glance at my cell for your messages
still dream away, nights are deranged
but i shall pass away,
from your life so you'll be happy again
like you were before we met
i'll leave without a whisper
i'll fade without a tremor
i'll leave this world without even a stir
and will be nowhere to be found
so you'll be nice and okay
hoping some day you'll meet your wife
she'll be someone happy
and i hope she'll be all you dreamed
and for all the disappointments
i brought alongwith me
she'll make up for with alacrity
see i can see ya
happy with another girl
wondering why she looks so much like me
like watching a wish-granting mirror
maybe that's cos i'm so stoned
i just wanna let u go
u be free,i'll be happy
i wanna steal a look of your smile
just for a while
from the other side
of these barbed fences
a beggar of your presence...
i've been rambling on
and done a wild goose chase
from what i really wanted to say
your love was so true...
that it really was a hoax
no one could love as much
and leave without a trace in just half a year
but hey, you can always be the jerk
i'll still always be shit to you
and you could be my newspaper boy
or u could be a sloppy waiter
or u could be homosexual
or maybe a harsh, inhuman doctor,
it wouldn' really matter,
i'd have loved you just as much,
i'd have moped feeling still as bitter,
and accuse me of selfishness
baby lemme just make most of it
Lemme speak all the harsh words here,
so u hate me so much more,
its easier 4 u to move on,
i can see it's working,
on your way to being free,
come on, hate me now,
will me to die,
will me to fade,
will me to be destroyed,
will me to meet my end.

A moment in a million others...

Staring at the screen i try to make sense
Of the words trying to sink in.
Through the thoughts of you swirling
Noisily in my head towards no ending.

Even my fave songs aren't making
Any efforts in soothing me
As i grope for some conclusion or
A respite to the clanging memories.

Do i make a trip to the coffee machine again?
Or do i fiddle with my inbox for a while?
And thru' it all i know i;ll desperately fail
To get rid of your thoughts as i do this all.

It seems to need some great task,
Like maybe a trip to the moon
But as i'm grounded here, i think
It might take more than 365 trips
around the sun.

Some of my classic bookmarked esoteric associations with zodiac signs.

Aquarius
Butterflies(called "papillon"," mariposa", "titli", "borboleta") ...their flitting nature, habits,colors, etc. with the sign of Aquarius.

Gemini
Associated Geminis with a small bird, but with a very strong musical voice and a sharp eye for movement on the branch of a tree with small leaves with small red fruits!

Scorpio
Associate Scorpio with a part of the sea that finds an inlet into a hidden cave,making it cooler, but creating some kind of reflections on the walls and the ceiling... it's essentially water that can percolate through(and persuade) anything...if it wants to.

Cancer
I see Cancer as a lady in draped in white, standing on the beach where the surf breaks on a
Full moon night...there's something mysterious about the plays of control there...like the
moon controlling the tides...the waves washing her feet trying to pull her in and yet, at the
same time, she's figuring something out looking at the ocean stretched out in front of her
with the moon "presiding" above... Or is she presiding over the whole scene... somewhat like Galladrielle in LOTR.

Of course, these apply for both men and women of the respective signs.

Pisces
Pisces is somehow "different"...i can never really place my finger on any one particular
thing when i think of Pisces/a Piscean...they're somewhat skiddish..slippery...But there's a
depth in every Piscean i've met so far...a sense that they have their own world...like
castles and a lost city in the deepest of the oceans,known and carrying Magic only to
them...somewhat like the lands underwater in The Little Mermaid.Everything is
very...moirée - wavelike patterns - and however much u observe, u still won't recognise the
patterns,or their periodicity. And yea,one will somehow be drawn to unburden their sorrows to a Piscean...

Ballade d'amour

It doesn't matter now how much you think of me
All that matters is the lifetime of pain you gave
Every irregularity of an event
Makes me think of your judgemental opinion
And every mundane chore
Of your disdain against me.
Every lust in a man's eyes
Makes me want to scratch them out in derision
And every appreciation of a good in me
Makes me hate my life all the more.
And you'd be lying down somewhere
At this unkempt hour...
Soliciting your kindness to
Another of your friends
Which you didn't think of doing
To a lover you paced in anger upon,
Like a rug at the foot
Of your canopied bed.

Every waking moment is spent
Vainly trying to hold myself
-Back from your memories
-Careening dangerously in hoping
that you'd come back.

Come back, yes, my precious
But the next time with some flowers
An honor, n some humility in yourself;
Come back, with a need for who I am
Not to flit away, but to anchor yourself
In me permanently.
And i'm waiting and chastising
My own true self...
To appeal to you selflessly
Next time when...if you come back.
Or maybe i might just
See you in heaven next
For which i'll wait for death,
With bated breath,
While i pray for your longevity
And good health and happiness.
And I hope you won't make me cry
When i'll kiss your feet to greet you
As the doors of heaven open to you
Like a Man you'll come home,
From battles, to find your lady
Waiting to hold you and rest
In your arms atlast...in peace.